topher&chase

•April 3, 2011 • 3 Comments

My 8yr old cousin was very excited to play with chase.

Topher: is it a boy or a girl?
Bern: he’s a boy. He has balls. Wanna see?
Topher: no! I’m not gay!

Topher: what happens when you don’t feed him?
Me: he dies.
Topher: what happens when you don’t give him water?
Me: he dies
Topher: cool!

Topher: can you make him jump off so then he falls and then die?

Topher throws pieces of lettuce at chase then kindly urges him: kill yourself! Kill yourself! Cmon!

exactlyWhatTodayFeltLike

•April 3, 2011 • 1 Comment

1. i had to get up early to clean the bbq grill since i had work and therefore won’t be able to do it later

2. i missed my bus and had to wait 30mins for the next one

3. i missed my stop because stupid people were born and decided to make my life miserable

4. my mom asked me where my sister and her boyfriend was, so I went to check her room, empty. The living room: not there. Then I went to the basement and after just going down a couple of steps I caught a glimpse of legs in the air, feet in shoes flailing in a certain rhythm and ran swiftly back up the stairs

rascalFlatts

•April 2, 2011 • Leave a Comment

There is a song that always gets to me whenever I hear it. Sometimes I play it intentionally, not to torture myself, but just because I feel like reminiscing. It was playing at work today and it just brought me back once upon a time when I fully believed in my ideals of that four letter word that I refuse to say. Who knew one person would come in my life and shatter my whole belief system? I like to think that it’s for the best. The song just captures everything I felt about the relationship. And it’s hard to think back and wonder, constantly asking about the “what could have beens”. All I know is that I never took a relationship seriously after that. It’s definately more fun and I’m certainly enjoying myself, but the truth is that I am afraid. I am very afraid to throw myself in that pit again. That pit of uncertainty full of false hopes and pretenses. All the broken promises. All the words and romantic gestures that immediately went down the gutter. And the most hurtful realization that none of it was real. He always knew the right words to say. He always knew the right things to do. He knew I loved flowers. Manipulated and confused and dumbfounded. Left with a beautiful copy of my favorite book. Thinking back on that warm summer day when we sat by the brook holding hands listening to john lennon’s song about that four letter word and sharing a soft kiss and at that moment I thought I knew but just couldn’t say it. And you couldn’t wait. Just couldn’t. And perhaps the biggest blow, that huge punch that I felt directly to that beating organ in my chest, and probably the last feeling I felt in that area remotely resembling an emotion is you telling me that you found her. Her who needed you like water. Which in turn gave me the strength to move on because I will never need you or anybody like water. That is not my definition of that four letter word. Yet knowing all this does not help me forget. It does not make me want to venture in that realm again. Because I promised myself, that the next time will be it. And I’ll sit here and wait. And wait. And then wait some more.

three

•April 1, 2011 • 1 Comment

I think a freewriting exercise is way overdue so I’ve decided to do one right now. On my blackberry making this game harder than before considering the tiny size of my keyboard combined with my thoughts going a mile a minute my fingers are hurting already and in case you haven’t noticed my words are no longer joined together making this my first ever entry in which you can actually read what I’m writing which makes me extremely nervous considering this is like giving you a window to my soul and perhaps that is something not quite worth sharing and more likely to scare people away but it doesn’t matter cause the truth is if you can’t handle this then you can’t handle me and therefore does not deserve to be part of what I like to call “me” though that word is very ambigious because let’s face it, everyone hides a little something of themselves to everyone and chooses what to reveal about who they are in fear of persecution or rejection or whatever well for me I’ve experienced all that before so it doesn’t affect me anymore the pain has been replaced by a dull, numb ache, so I’ll just let my mouth aka thoughts run off for the next 15mins. Also, I am once again at work and bored out of my mind with the sound of the engraving machine ringing in my ears. I was watching haunting in connecticut before work and it reminded me of this date I had with this guy cause we saw the same movie and he had suggested that movie cause I had said that I love scary/gory movies yet the whole time he had his hands over his eyes like a fucking pussy asking me what the fuck is going on and I wanted to chop off his hands so that he’ll face the movie like a fucking man suffice it to say that I was not impressed at all which sucks cause it’s so hard to find people willing to watch scary flicks who are not really scary but filled with all the scary tactics that has been used so many times that it just doesn’t work anymore. Fucking coworker just came in and made me lose my thoughts. Oh well maybe it’ll come back later whatever it is that I was thinking about. I only have 5mins more anyway. It’s so frustrating working here and applying everywhere and not being hired and it’s gonna be almost a year since I stopped going to school last august. I try to find justification in my lack of motivation to find any job just so I’d work full time by telling myself that I need a break considering I’ve been working since the 8th grade. I deserve it right? But I can’t justify being out of a full time job after a year. I need a slap on my bottom. Yes. Keeping the last couple of sentences clean baby! Oh and on another note, I swear my mood is connected to my libido cause I feel much lighter and more cheerful like I’m overflowing with all this energy after getting laid. I highly recommend a good fuck to everyone. Otherwise, you’ll just be in a deeper slump than before

mother’s judgemental eyes

•March 31, 2011 • Leave a Comment

mama: she looks like she smells

devirginized

•March 31, 2011 • 2 Comments

So here goes my first ever post from my phone, completely induced by boredom, and yet I know that since I started this sentence, a flock of customers will come with their stupid questions such as “could you tell me where the washroom is” which in turn makes me swear beneath my breath as I suppress to answer with “I’m not the fucking information booth” and this whole useless conversation could have been prevented if the customer simply looked up and notice the sign, but I guess not everyone has had the luxury of learning to read, much less use their common sense, yet this is the life kindly bestowed upon us. Seriously though, stupidity should be considered as a disease. Anyway, ranting about stupid customers shall have to wait since that is not the topic of this post. What is the topic? You might ask. And if you read the first sentence then you’d know the answer to that question. Don’t make me smack you. It’s been about four weeks since my last entry and there’s really no one to blame but me. Everyone needs a break once in a while. I didn’t want it to be like my art class when I had to draw everyday and one day, I just couldn’t do anything and whatever I forced to produce suck hairy balls. The good news about blogging again is that I feel like I never stopped. On a side note, I seem to be disable when it comes to my fingers. I’m utterly convinced that I will lose one of them someday in the future. Also, to those who got attracted to this post due to the title, I just have one thing to say: shame on you! But really, all excuses aside about not having another entry till now, I was just flat out lazy.

only human

•March 9, 2011 • 4 Comments

sex

love

sex and love

what about lust

sex and love and lust

intermingling.

interchanging.

interrupting life